to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
