if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
