I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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