How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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