Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
