there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
