Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
