I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
