shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
