I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
