Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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