Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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