So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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