Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
