My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
