I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
