Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
