You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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