i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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