I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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