I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
