i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
