my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize