im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this boner is exhausting
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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