I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
