Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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