You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
