Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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