my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
