so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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