I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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