fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
