Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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