DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
