Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
