i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
