i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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