Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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