I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
