my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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