Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
