we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need water and some morals
Randomize
