he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
