you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize