You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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