Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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