Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
NoShamevember. You game?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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