I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
as a side note pls kill me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
