Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
