I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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