I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
