Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
