Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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