Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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