His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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