thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize