I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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