Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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