I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
