Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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