i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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