a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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