i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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