i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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