It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
