My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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