I wish I could teleport
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
