If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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