are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
