I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
