we have pet lesbian snakes
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
