Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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