only if we run a train.
done.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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