Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
