ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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