We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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