lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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